11.4.13

Today has been a day. Good, I can't complain...I'm alive, heart is beating and I'm alive. My cousin and sister left today and headed back home after helping take care of me for two weeks. I didn't get any naps today and I feel it. Just wanted to check in....life is life.

Hair Cut...I'm Natural!!!

With everything happening in my life, for the past couple of months I've been losing/shedding hair. I've stopped relaxing my hair with chemicals since April, but had two different textures with the new growth. I woke up on Oct. 25th 2013 and decided I needed a change. I had my sister cut off all of my hair. I want it to grow back healthy, thick and natural. It was a big decision but one that I'm glad I made. It's taking a lot to get used to, but I'm happy it's done. My love isn't happy I cut it. He's always told me not to cut my hair, even before I had the thought. But I'm sure he will love it when it's long, curly and healthy.

Life Post third surgery

It has been a long two weeks!!! I went in the hospital for one surgery and left after two emergency surgeries. After the first lead replacement, it dislodged within 30 minutes of surgery. I was placed on bed rest and hadn't even gotten out of bed and the lead had already moved from my heart. The second surgery was scheduled very early the Friday morning and Dr. replaced the lead with a heavier one and used a different technique. I followed up a week later with my Dr. and it was still in place. I had the worse pain during recovery from the incision. It was itchy and burning...ugghhhh I don't want to do this again. I'm just happy to be on the road to recovery.

I'm still so shocked (literally) that the machine saved my life. I knew there was a "chance" my heart would fail because of the severity of the weakened muscle, but I didn't think that it would actually fail!! Who would?!?!?! But God is good! I had the machine to restore normal function. When I was discharged from the hospital, my heart began to beat on it's on without having to be paced the entire time by the machine. To God be the glory! I'm grateful for my family who are so supportive throughout it all. My baby sister and cousin who are here to help me through it. I head back to the Dr. tomorrow for another follow up and hopefully clearance to return to work. Pray for the best!

Surgery Tomorrow

Soooooooooooooooo the last 24 hours has been a world wind. At my Dr. appointment yesterday, I found out that the machine attached to my heart saved my life. So grateful! Now a lead is dislodged and I have surgery scheduled tomorrow to fix the screw that's in my heart. God is Good. Hopefully the recovery is not as long and I can bounce back quickly. Glad to have some great people in my corner. Happy Happy Joy Joy!!!

Back at it!

I've gone back to work and it has taken all of my time! The plan was to ease into it but that hasn't been successful. I'm back into the routine and it feels like I never missed a day. I'm learning to balance it all, and when it becomes too much I have been able to head home and rest. I'm grateful for a job that allows me to do so. It's good to interact with people once again, missed that human interaction. Just wanted to drop a note on how things are going. Hope they are well for you!

Lots of thinking

As my time at home winds down, I'm wondering if I'm ready to head back to work. It's just about readjusting to the way of things. Getting rest when it's needed and knowing my limitations. The good thing is, it will be two days then the weekend is here. Then the following week we only work three days and have two days off, plus the weekend. This gives me time to adjust. Time will tell!

My Australian friend Melany is here visiting. It's so awesome to have her here. We saw each other two years ago, at her wedding in Hawaii. She's taught me a lot as I developed as a person and a friend. We have been through some serous life changes together. Thousands of miles away and we're still able to maintain our friendship. Great friends are hard to come by! Fun, Fun!

Grey's Quote

Just wanted to share a quote with you! 

We're all going to die. We don't get much say over how or when, but we do get to decide how we're gonna live. So, do it. Decide. Is this the life you want to live? Is this the person you want to love? Is this the best you can be? Can you be stronger? Kinder? More Compassionate? Decide. Breathe in. Breathe out and decide.

-Richard-

Grey's Anatomy

Mango Salad/Chow

Just wanted to share this staple recipe. It's a West Indian thing!

Mango Salad/Chow 

Mango (I like green and not too ripe)

Black Pepper 

Hot Sauce (I use Baron's pepper sauce)

Vinegar 

Olive Oil (tablespoon) 

Salt (for those who can)

Peel the mango and slice. Place in bowl and sprinkle black pepper and salt. Add olive oil and enough vinegar to cover the mango (about half cup). Add the hot sauce and mix everything. Whala! Enjoy!

It's pretty simple but it's a good snack if you are a mango fan!

Life Adjustments

Just wanted to share my VLOG about Life Adjustments with Heart Disease. 

I've also added the link. Life Adjustments

God Is Bigger than your problems!

Today has been an ehhhh kind of day. Not sure why....I couldn't sleep last night and just laid in bed. I finally fell asleep about 2:30. I woke up tired. Worst feeling ever!!! I've noticed that when I'm not going to have a great health day, my feet and legs have a "heavy" feeling. So I got up and started moving around and went straight back to bed. I just laid there. I got up and made some breakfast and was on my favorite spot on the couch. It's just one of those days.

I had interesting conversations with two friends. One has just found out her mom died of Heart Failure and the other discussed work issues. At the end of both conversations, I just contemplated the future. What are next steps in regards to my career? Do I remain in this fast paced, high stressed field? Or do I transition into another area of interest? Those are some decisions I will have to make as I take charge of my health. Tough decisions but I have time to process.

Many of the people in my support groups discuss having these types of days. I'm grateful that I have only had a few of them. Hopefully tomorrow will be better! I can't imagine the pain that others go through. There are more painful diseases out there. Pain that attacks their bodies and makes living, hell. I'm not sure how they do it, but they are troopers, survivors! Just makes me think. You always believe that your struggle is too great to overcome, but there are others who are worse off than you. Just keeps me grounded.

Saw this picture and thought it was appropriate.

VLOG

So I took the plunge and made my first video for YouTube. This is way harder than I thought! How do people make all those cool videos and add fancy animations??!! Geez! I realized how I say ummm a lot and that was hard to eliminate. I'm going to try and create about 1-2 videos a week. Nothing fancy in this first video but any suggestions on sites to use or apps to make the video more appealing, will be accepted LOL.

Chef Chronicles

Teaching myself how to tweak recipes in an effort to make them "heart friendly" has been interesting. The biggest change has been eliminating salt, no fried foods, and way less fat. I am slowly cooking more at home, since my doctor recommends that I eat no food that comes from a bag. NO FAST FOOD! I do love my chinese food though, I get steamed shrimp and broccoli with garlic sauce on the side. It saves me on a busy or late day from work. At least when I cook my food I know exactly what the ingredients are and can control what goes in my my belly.

Tonight I made crab legs and sauteed red potatoes and it was Awesome! Very tasty!!!

Sauteed Red Potato Recipe

4 red potatoes (boiled)

Onion 

Peppers (I used yellow and red)

Fresh Parsley 

Mrs. Dash (salt free seasoning)

Olive Oil 

I used enough Olive Oil to coat the bottom of the frying pan. I sauteed the veggies until they were tender. Once they were soft enough I added a good amount of Mrs. Dash to the pan. I sliced the boiled potatoes and placed them in the pan. I mixed the veggies, parsley and potatoes thoroughly and made sure it was fully coated. That's it. Very simple.

Sorry no pics of the crabs! 

Quiet Time

My family has gone and I'm all alone...and I forgot how much I enjoy a quiet house. Don't get me wrong, I loved my family being here with me as I recouped. I was grateful for their willingness to leave everything and spend three weeks with me. My 22 month old nephew was also here and he was a ball of energy. Needless to say, I'm appreciating the quiet time. I still have a week and a half left until I return to work, so I plan to get some much needed rest before I'm back in the rat race.

I have a couple of papers to write, videos to watch and blogs to post for class. So, in between those things I will rest. Netflix has become my friend and my faithful couch is always there for me. Those are my plans. This is my life. It will get better. It has to. I need it to.

Rest and Relaxation!

I've been home for 14 work days. I can get used to this. I'm not tired of daytime television, I'm enjoying my couch and not having to drive anywhere. Now all I need is to hit the lotto, so I can afford to do so. When I'm at work I never notice how hard I actually work. A lot of time is invested and I'm probably doing more than I should with this disease. But I have to work so I can eat and afford health insurance. It's funny, I take two naps a day and when I head to bed, I'm exhausted. So I know I need the rest, my body just needs to recoup and I'm using my time wisely. I'm grateful for a position that allows me to do so.  

I need to find a hobby. I used to crochet, but I haven't in a while and I don't have the urge to do so. I have fallen in love with YouTube and may post some videos. I don't believe I will be posting every week or so, but  I can see how it can be helpful to VLOG. There's not a lot on heart disease when you search. It's a thought.... we will see! 

Happy Happy, Joy Joy!

I had my follow up appointment with my surgeon yesterday and I received some excellent news!!! He was very pleased with my device and my heart was functioning as best as it could. Since I've started on this journey, good news is hard to come by. The only other time I can remember getting good news from the cardiologist was after three months of trying, we finally reduced the amount of fluid around my heart and my lungs were happy! So I (and my mom) was very pleased to hear good news two weeks post surgery.

The scar looks weird to me, but he assures me that will smooth over and look much better. I really hope it does. I'm thankful for the successful procedure! Just thinking back on how nervous I was before surgery but it actually was not that bad. Had a horrible allergic reaction to meds and had hives and a rash on my chest, neck, and face. But I'm responding well, so I'm over it. Happy Happy Joy Joy!

It's not Mother's Day......but...

My mom through all of this has been just plain AWESOME! When I was hospitalized, she got on the plane and was at my bedside. Then a month later she was back for another two weeks. Surgery was scheduled and she's here for three weeks with me as I heal. My mom is a hard working woman. She used all her vacation time this year to care for me and nurse me back to good health. I'm grateful for my supermom. I'm happy that she's always put her children first and I didn't have to worry about being alone in my house while in recovery mode.
There are some people out there who have never experienced this unselfish love. Without asking, she dropped whatever she was doing and came to be with me. Weeks without pay, but knowing that I would need her love and care to make it through this tough time. So I just wanted to dedicate this post to her. She's the best mom her three girls can ask for. I love you ma! Thank you for your time and loving spirit.

Happy 31st Birthday to Meeeeeeeeeeee!!!

Happy Birthday to meeeeeeeeeeee......

I am not a person who goes all out for my birthday. After 21, I've not really planned anything, but oh how life has changed. I'm so happy, blessed, grateful, excited (any word you can think of to express my gratitude) for seeing another year. Most people use that phrase and they don't really mean it or even grasp the idea. I fully understand and do NOT take it for granted. I'm going to enjoy it as best as I can. My mom and cousin are here and I'm still recovering from surgery but I will take it all in. Whatever that means, it means.

I think back when I had my life "planned" out in my head. I should be rich by now, kids and a husband the whole works! But that is not the case, but I have so much more to be thankful for and can't harp on the things I don't currently have. They will come. It will happen. But TODAY, is my day! It's almost like it's a rebirth, I got another chance!

So, I just wanted to say how my cup overflows with love, joy and peace.....and I'm happy to turn 31!

So Happy Birthday Sunshyne, you are a fighter, a warrior, a survivor...... remember that!

Shots, Shots, Shots

I'm scheduled to have a Flu shot at the end of the month. This will be my first time getting the shot. I'm nervous. Because of the heart failure, I was told that I should avoid all infections. As if I go looking to catch them! So my PCP (primary care physician) is awesome and recommended that I get it. Are you getting one?

Here are some facts about the flu shot.  (Thanks Dee Dee)

Flu shots this year are a little different IF you ask for it. There are 4 viruses in the new quadrivalent vaccine if you can find it; otherwise, you will be offered the trivalent influenza vaccine. Look for the quad if you can get it. The difference? Well... one more strain of flu! The B/Brisbane/60/2008-like virus is in the quad. In both, you will get the following strains:
1. A/California/7/2009 (h1N1 pdm09-like virus
2. A(H3N2) virus antigenically like the cell-propagated prototype virus A/Victoria/361/2011
3. B/Massachusetts/2/2012-like virus

Will this protect you from every virus? NOPE! But it will protect you from the major viruses that the CDC believes you should be protected from this 2013-2014 upcoming flu virus season. They do their best in their predictions, but there is no way for them to be "spot on". These people are professionals in their field and work daily at fighting these viruses. And as CHF patients and caregivers, you need to do whatever you can to protect yourself from whatever you can whenever you can.

Also remember to wash your hands more often during the cold/flu season and stay away from those who are known to be sick. Less kissing and hugging of people too. We LOVE those hugs but YOU COME FIRST. It is imperative to be careful.

Flu shots are ANNUAL.
Flu shots are INACTIVE (i.e., not LIVE VIRUS) and you cannot get the flu from the flu shot. If you feel you got the flu from the flu shot it is most likely that you either already had it when you got the shot OR you contracted it within the days after you got it (as it takes awhile for the shot to become active/preventative within your system).

Sodium Smodium

                         The Great Sodium Debate! 

The moment I was diagnosed with heart failure, the first thing I was told to eliminate was SODIUM! :sadface: I love some salt! It makes my mango, cucumbers and food taste soooooo much better. Because of heart failure, my body retains fluid like no other. By restricting my sodium the fluid around my heart disappears, it doesn't back up into my lungs and I have ANKLES! Before sickness, I was a grateful person. But now, I'm even more aware and try not to take the simple things in life for granted. Showering, walking in the sun, the beach, late nights with friends, being able to lift things on my own. It's the small things I swear!!!

I've tried this product, No Salt and it's ok. It's an alternative but I've heard it may conflict with some medications I take. So I rarely use it. It has an aftertaste, to me. 

I've been introduced to Mrs. Dash. I don't like her, but I use the seasoning and I supplement. Fresh lemons, garlic, cook with fruit, anything I can do to enhance the flavor of my bland chicken, brown rice and veggies. I have to do so in order to live. The little things make such a huge deal with heart disease. My dear sodium, I have let you go. In order to breathe and not sound like a cow while doing so, I say goodbye.

                                                         I'm not salty though!

Weather The Storm

Yesterday my very close friend was given bad news from the Dr. Her husband suffers from a very deadly blood cancer and after a two years, it's back. He has been through so much and had a transplant last year and it's back. This disease will kill him, the dr has said. How do you process this? How do you keep the will to live? How do you stay motivated and in turn, motivate your family? My heart is so heavy for them. They've been through so much and are still going through the worse. All I can do is pray and hope God comforts her through it all. 

When I begin to think of these diseases, I can't help but think where did it all come from? Did people back in the day have this? They just didn't know? Not just cancer, heart disease, kidney and lung failure, rheumatoid arthritis, and all those autoimmune diseases where your body is attacking itself? How did this come about? My mind races, and as I read all the theories out there it makes my head race. So much to consider, too many factors to add and a lot to process. 

I saw this picture on instagram last week and just felt it to be appropriate for now. 

Whatever you are going through, just know the storm will pass! 

Medical Alert Bracelets

I'm a single woman who lives alone, so I figured that I need to have some way to identify myself in the event that I am unable to do so. It's so awkward when I see the life alert commercials and it's always older people who are portrayed. Every nurse and doctor I come in contact with reminds that "you're so young" as if this disease has any limitations. So many babies are born with this disease and so many of us are unaware of it until it's dire strains. I am fully aware of my limits so the bracelets were needed.

My Diagnosis

Hi World!

I'm Cletra and in May 2013 my world was forever changed!!! I had an infection called H Pylori in my stomach and began to have painful symptoms. While trying to figure out what was making me sick, my allergist sent me for a chest X ray to figure out why this cough was very persistent. When he called me in to discuss the results, he strongly recommended that I see a cardiologist because he noticed I had an abnormally large heart. I processed that meeting as it was a routine check and nothing out of the ordinary. Was I ever wrong!!! My first appointment with Dr. Goldsmith went as normal. He asked me about my family history, how I felt and what my plans for the future were. I explained that I'd lost 60 lbs since January and was on the road to better health. Dr. Goldsmith asked me to have an EKG done just to make sure nothing was wrong. Of course the EKG came back abnormal so he ordered a heart sonogram for the following week. The sonogram was at 9 am and at 10:30 or so, the nurse called me with the results. **RED FLAG ALERT**

Dr. Goldsmith wanted me to come back to the office and when I did....he informed me that I have a disease called cardiomyopathy. Everything he said to me that day was lost. I was in total shock. I am 30 years old, just began my doctoral program and was promoted to Director of my department. I had everything going for me. I asked Dr. Goldsmith what was our plan of action. How do we cure this? That's when he informed me that this disease had no cure. I'm still shocked that I did not pass out. I held my tears in until I got to the receptionist who was setting my next appointment. She had no idea why the tears were falling from my eyes. I went to the car and called my mom and just cried. Then I went to work. I tried to forget it all. I had a CT-A scan to find out the severity of the disease and to learn what the treatment would be for the rest of my life. 

The very next day, I began to feel chest pains and a tingling in my left arm. I was at work and brushed it off thinking that it would subside. On my way home that night the pain became worse. I remember thinking that I wouldn't make it through the night, but that didn't make think to call for help. Around 4 am the next morning I woke up struggling to breathe and could hear myself wheezing horribly. I decided that if I got to work and this didn't get any better that I would call my doctor and see what he wanted me to do. Around 9 am, my friend Connie insisted that I call the doctor or head to the emergency room. When I called the doctor's office, I spoke with the nurse and she informed me that with the symptoms that I have been feeling, the recommendation was that I head to the emergency room and not drive myself. I should have known then!!!!

My friend Manny drove me to the emergency room and there wasn't a wait. The nurses were very attentive and the ER doctor was very charming! He ran a couple of tests, took some blood, listened to my heart, ran some more tests and then my life changed (AGAIN). The doctor informed me that I was in Heart Failure. I had no idea what that meant and at the time I didn't want to know. I was admitted into the hospital and given too much information to process. My heart was surrounded by fluid and backing up into my lungs. It was the reason I was wheezing and breathing weird. 

The next morning the nurse woke me up and informed me that I was scheduled to have heart surgery that morning. I had no clue what this surgery was but I was just to save my life. I had such a hard time processing. My family was in NYC and I live in Florida alone. I called my mom and my siblings and they booked their flights. Later on that morning, I met my Electrophysiologist (EP) Dr. Seide and he said I was too young for this diesease and he wanted me to wear a lifevest before he would cut me. I was so grateful for that option. I wore the life vest for three months. If my heart failed, the vest would shock me back to life. So glad it never had to. So glad! 

Depression, Gratefulness & Random Thoughts

I've been told over and over by various doctors that depression is fairly common for people diagnosed with this disease. I'm usually a very joyful and bubbly person and on most days, I'm still that person. Yes, there are days that I think about this disease in it's totality and I start to cry. I wonder what would've happened if this disease had not been found in time. I think about my family, the strain this disease has and the toll it takes. I think about my future and the plans I had for myself....but now that has definitely changed. I don't believe that I'm depressed, but I am processing all of this information as best as I can. 

I absolutely love this quote! You really just never know. I've joined several support groups now, and the struggle is real. There are so many people out there with various disease and to the naked eye, they may seem "fine" but they're doing all they can to hang on. 

I'm grateful for an awesome family, sisters, cousins and friends who have been such a great support system during the hardest days of my life...so far. 

Be Kind! I will...

Knowledge is Power, Right?

I am a Firm believer in education. I'm all about reading and learning more. So when I was diagnosed, I researched. Some of the information was hard to swallow, tough to read but necessary. I wanted to know all that I can so that I could combat this disease with all that I had. Its crazy that I would read these statistics and thought  I was safe! Heart Disease would never affect me, I thought.... Boy was I wrong. 

General statistics

• Heart disease is the No. 1 killer of women, and is more deadly than all forms of cancer combined.
• Heart disease causes 1 in 3 women’s deaths each year, killing approximately one woman every minute.
• An estimated 43 million women in the U.S. are affected by heart disease.
• Ninety percent of women have one or more risk factors for developing heart disease.
• Since 1984, more women than men have died each year from heart disease.
• The symptoms of heart disease can be different in women and men, and are often misunderstood.
• While 1 in 31 American women dies from breast cancer each year, 1 in 3 dies of heart disease.
• Only 1 in 5 American women believe that heart disease is her greatest health threat.
• Women comprise only 24 percent of participants in all heart-related studies.

African American women

• Cardiovascular disease is the leading cause of death for African American women.
• Of African American women ages 20 and older, 46.9 percent have cardiovascular disease
• Only 1 in 5 African American women thinks she is personally at risk.
• Nearly 50 percent of African American women are aware of the signs and symptoms of a heart attack.
• Only 43 percent of African American know that heart disease is their greatest health risk.

These statistics represent only a fraction of the 2012 report featured in Circulation. To view the full findings, download a copy of the Heart Disease and Stroke 2012 Statistical Update.

Retrieved from https://www.goredforwomen.org/about-heart-disease/facts_about_heart_disease_in_women-sub-category/statistics-at-a-glance/

ICD Surgery

Implantable cardioverter-defibrillators (ICDs)

You may have seen TV shows in which a hospital worker or paramedic "shocks" an unconscious person out of cardiac arrest with a pair of electrified paddles. An implantable cardioverter-defibrillator (ICD) does the same thing, only internally and automatically when it detects that your heartbeat is abnormal.

An ICD is surgically placed under your skin, usually below your left collarbone. One or two flexible, insulated wires (leads) run from the ICD through your veins to the lower chambers of your heart.

Because the ICD constantly monitors for abnormal heart rhythms and instantly attempts to correct them, it helps treat cardiac arrest, even if you're hours away from the nearest hospital.

Retrieved from the Mayo Clinic Website 

On September 3rd, I had an ICD implanted. My EF was approximately 22%. I am at risk for sudden death. I like to think that I'm not dying but can die at any moment. This device will deliver a shock to my heart and keep me alive once an arrhythmia is detected. It was a lot to process but I'm glad "Sparky" is here!

My before pic: Ready to get it over with!

Dr. Seide hooked me up! Small incision on left breast. He put it behind some muscle and my ICD is not pertruding out of my skin and is not noticeable. Very happy with Sparky!

I'm so happy it was over. Not feeling great, but it could be worse! My mom was too excited. Lots of sleep to come. Can't lift my left arm for a while so that's why I have the sling.